8. Crisis of Faith – Where Are You God?
Caregiver Series - Part 8

I have been a Christian since I was 28 years old. Though I grew up going to church, I never understood the message of salvation or what it was like to have a personal relationship with the Lord until then. Since that time, there have been many trials that have really tested my faith. Yet it has been those trials that have brought me to an even deeper and more intimate relationship with God.

When my first husband died in a tragic accident two years after becoming a Christian, I struggled with whether God would really see me through this unbearably painful time. But as I turned to Him for answers, He gave me the guidance and grace to get through it. I was also blessed with a strong church family, caring friends and family, and most importantly, two beautiful children who needed me to be there for them. What was one of the most painful times in my life was also a time where my relationship with the Lord grew.

Today, I sit here writing this article two days before the third anniversary of my youngest son’s diving accident that resulted in him suffering a spinal cord injury leaving him a quadriplegic. To have to reflect back on that time right now is extremely difficult. It’s hard to even write this without tears rising to the surface. I will never forget the long drive from Richmond to the trauma hospital in Norfolk. All I really knew was my son had been injured diving into a wave and that it was serious. I immediately reached out to family and friends for prayer and support.

Anyone who is a mother knows they would give anything to take away their child’s pain. I begged God to let me be the one to bear this trial – not my son. I pleaded with Him not to let this be part of my son’s life story. Yet I knew that all I could do was to be there by his side giving him love, support and encouragement. Had it not been for my faith, time spent in prayer and reading my Bible, knowing so many people and churches were praying for my son, and the love and support of the many people God brought into my life during that time, I don’t know how I would have gotten through the early days, weeks, and months after his injury.

During the three years since my son’s injury, I have gone through so much and wonder if life will ever feel settled again. With a spinal cord injury come complications that can arise – scary and sometimes life threatening ones. By the grace of God we have made it through those that have come our way. I have also been going through a difficult separation and divorce process as well. There has been so much stress in my life that I find myself at times becoming very angry at God. I remember one particularly difficult day where I even questioned if God was real. If He truly was a loving Heavenly Father then why was I suffering so?

When difficult circumstances and dark thoughts overwhelm you, it can be extremely hard to know God is with you and for you. You want to find someone to blame too – and often it is God when you can’t make sense of it. I have even questioned if He really did love me during times of my greatest despair. But He has always found a way to show me how much He does.

If you are struggling with trusting God in the midst of your difficult circumstances, don’t lose hope. Though I am probably sharing advice that you already know, hopefully it will encourage you to remember how important these things are on your spiritual journey.

1) Spend time with God every day through prayer and reading the Bible. Journal what you feel He is speaking to your heart.

2) Seek support through your church and pastor.

3) Be involved in a Bible Study.

4) Find Christian friends who can encourage and support you.

5) Listen to praise and worship music.

Caregiving can take its toll in every aspect of your life. Your faith can be greatly shaken because of it. Be sure you make time to spend with God daily. And never forget that He loves you and is always with you!


Click here for Part 9 of Caroline's Caregivers Series

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